5:35 AM......

Howdy.

It's 5:35 a.m.

I am here right now because I'm working through a panic attack at the moment.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night.  I woke up a little before 5 a.m.  At first, it was just the normal, "nature break" time.  I got up, went to the bathroom, then put earplugs in so that I could sleep through any possible up-coming noise.

I had a little bit of a headache.  I drank water.  I took 2 ibuprophen.  I blew my nose.....

I went back to bed to lie down and then my stomach started to hurt.  I was feeling very hungry.

I just began a "weight-loss" program on June 11th, and it's a pretty regimented one.  Eat 110 calories every 2 hours -- 5 times a day and then eat some protein and veggies.

I began to have a panic attack.  My mind started spinning and thinking about all of the things that I should do to stop the panic attack.  I had wanted to sleep some more, but oh well!  It was time to take a Clonazepam and EAT a few things.

I took a Clonazepam, drank water, had to run to the bathroom again.  I prayed for help.

I took out my "splint" (which I wear over my bottom teeth).

Then got 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, started eating it, then opened-up one of the 110 calorie bars, and began eating it.  Got an electrolyte drink from the fridge and began drinking it.  Ate about 9 pistachios.

I'm starting to feel really tired.

The panic feelings are subsiding.   : )  Yay!

I recorded what I've eaten.

I felt a little overwhelmed as I was thinking about my son's upcoming marriage, and going there, and being the "perfect Mom".  I thought to myself, "It's not about you.  It's about him.  It's his day.  He's not aware of all of your feelings.  He cares, sure, a little bit, as much as a son can.   : )  But he's oblivious to your "pain" that you feel from not being able to be with him 24/7 for his later growing-up years.  It's water underneath the bridge.  There's nothing you can do to change it, and there's nothing you can do to "make" him feel a certain way toward you.  Let it come naturally.  If he feels a certain way toward you -- great!  Hopefully he only has positive thoughts about you.  You have done what you can to support him and love him.   : )

I also want to succeed on this program.  I do not like the painful hunger feelings each morning lately.

I believe that with God's help, I will be able to succeed.

There's a book and a workbook that goes with the program that I could/should be reading.  I struggle with wanting to take the time to read anything, actually, but I know it would probably be helpful to read it as I go through my day-to-day activities.

There's food in the fridge that I haven't been eating, since I'm on this program, and can't eat it right now..... oh well.

I haven't been organizing the papers on my desk, etc....

I should probably stop typing now.  My energy is low, since the Clonazepam has kicked-in!   : )  I am SO thankful that I have Clonazepam to take for these times.

I might brush my teeth, put my splint back in and go lie back down for 2 or 3 hours, and then get back up to eat my 2nd "small" meal of the day.   : )

Have a good day!!