Hi! I haven't posted anything on here since July of 2015.
I have still felt the need to take a Clonazepam about once a month, almost every month, when I've felt "those feelings" coming on, but during the last almost 2 years, I don't think I've had a "panic attack" experience like I did this past Wednesday night.
Wednesday was busy for me. I ate a good breakfast, but I did not have a really good lunch or dinner. I also ate a FEW sweets that evening, but not a lot.
I didn't have to make lemon bars AND chocolate chip cookies to take to the Relief Society game night at church, but I did. I wanted to do a "test-run" of making lemon bars, because next week, there is a funeral, and I signed-up to take lemon bars to the luncheon, and I haven't made lemon bars in a LONG time, so I wasn't sure if I had a recipe that I liked.
Then, I thought that if the lemon bars didn't turn-out good, I wanted to have a back-up dessert to take to the Relief Society game night, and I had the time......., so I made the cookies too. (An ingredient of a recipe for a bad night.)
The day before, I had contacted a sister in our Ward and asked her for a ride to church, however, after I had made the lemon bars and cookies, I was feeling like I should stay home, because I wanted to just sit and relax, after concentrating so hard on making the lemon bars and cookies. I felt like my brain needed a rest. However -- I somehow felt obligated to go and interact, so I did not call and cancel my ride. (This was probably the wrong thing to do at this point.)
The lemon bars turned out good enough. People liked them. However -- next time, I think I might want to put powdered sugar in the shortbread part, instead of sugar. But that means making another "tester" batch..... so if I don't get around to doing that, I might just want to keep the recipe as it is for now and do a new tester batch another day.
Interacting with others always somewhat stresses me out, since I feel pressure to say and do all the right things! Although, when I type out my thoughts, it seems a bit ridiculous to feel that way.
Anyway -- I survived the night, came home, and then received a call from a lady in our Ward who asked me if I'd be able to give her a ride somewhere the next afternoon. I said I could do that.
Of course, that meant that I'd need to get up early the next morning so that I could ride with my husband to his work so that I could have the car.
I had been looking forward to sleeping-in the next day, but now, that wasn't going to happen.
Was that the "straw" that broke me? Perhaps. I don't know.
I started feeling very icky. I started to panic. I took a Clonazepam. I started sweating. Then I got cold. I felt nauseous. I got ready for bed and laid down. My husband came in the room to be with me. He hadn't been feeling that great either. He said he had several sore muscles in his back and neck. I felt bad that he was having to take care of me instead of lying down himself so that he could rest. But I couldn't dwell on that. There was nothing I could do to change anything.
He asked me if I wanted him to call the lady back and tell her I couldn't pick her up the next day. I told him yes, even though I knew I'd feel better the next afternoon, I didn't really want to have to get up early the next day and I didn't want to think about what I needed to do the next day.
He left and then came back in the room and said he couldn't reach her on her phone, so he would call her the next day.
Then I felt like I needed to throw-up. I sat up and picked-up my trash can that was beside my bed. Pretty soon, I threw-up several times, and then my stomach felt a LOT better!
I went and drank a cup of milk and some water. Then I brushed my teeth again.
I took another Clonazepam, since the first one hadn't done anything, and had most surely exited my body, along with the contents of my stomach.
I then laid back down and started feeling more relaxed, and I was able to fall asleep pretty quickly.
Phew.
I slept several hours, then sometime around 4 a.m., I woke up to take a "nature break", and was feeling a lot better, so I wrote a note to my husband to let him know I was feeling better, and that I was going to go with him in the morning to his work so that I could help that lady.
I went back to bed and then woke again with my alarm, went with my husband to his work and then was able to help the lady in the afternoon.
THE END
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