Before I start, I'd like to say that with small children, I suggest that you kneel down on their level as OFTEN as possible. That way, you're eye-to-eye with them, and they know they have your full attention, and you know you have their full attention.
Read the scriptures every day, too. That will help with the spirit in your home.
OK people -- Next item up for bids.........I am ALL in favor of disciplining little children!!!
If you don't teach them who is in charge, then they will not obey you.
If you don't teach them self-control, then they won't know how to stop screaming or throwing a fit!
Teach them to do what you say, and don't let them "parent" you!!! You are the parent! DO something about what your child is doing!
AND START YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!! That way, it's not a surprise to them that you want them to obey you! : )
You HAVE to start when they're old enough to understand the word, "NO", which is pretty early!
A baby learns VERY early how to tell you that they don't want something. They will either turn their head away from the food you're trying to give them, or they will PUSH it away with their little hands.
This is a good indication that they are communicating with you.
When a child is 5 or 6 months old, they're pretty aware of their surroundings. And at age 1, they are walking, and taking things out of the lower cupboards, etc. So somewhere between age 6 months and 1 year, they have totally learned yes and no, and they CERTAINLY have an opinion! Even if they can't TALK yet!!
I don't know when I started with my son, but I'm sure it was perhaps around 9 months when he would keep on trying to grab something, and I would have to tell him no, and when he would start to cry about having it, and keep grabbing for it, even after I had told him "no", and I knew that he understood me, then I would slap his hand and say, "No.". Then, he would get a clue and stop grabbing for it.
Disciplining is a tricky thing. You do NOT want to beat your child or hurt them. You do not want to YELL at them and make them feel bad.
The GOAL here is to teach your child that when Mom or Dad tells them to do something, then they need to listen, and they also need to learn to control themselves and their emotions.
You want to let them know that you love them.
TALK to your child, too! As you're disciplining them, if you have time, then explain the reason why they need to stop doing something. Sometimes, you will not have the time, or there is no reason that they would understand, but if you have time, I suggest explaining it to them, because then, they MIGHT understand why they need to stop.
The number one reason why they need to stop, is because you're their parent, and they need to do what you say! : )
Here's a couple of scenarios for you:
You're trying to dress a child for church, and they are squirming and screaming, saying "Let GO of me!"
Uhhhhhh -- THAT is a NO-NO!!! The child does NOT tell you what to do!
In that circumstance, I would slap the child's bare leg once to get their attention, and I would say, "NO. You need to sit still. We need to leave for church soon, and you need to get dressed so that we can leave on time. You still need to eat breakfast and brush your teeth and go to the bathroom -- and I need to still eat breakfast, brush my teeth and go to the bathroom." etc.....
A slap on the leg does not mean you're mad at them -- it means, "Listen to me and do what I am asking you to do."
Another example of when I would use discipline with my son, would be if I had taken something from him that I had told him he couldn't have right now, and then if he tried to take it back from me, he would get a slap on the top of his hand. I would look at him right in the eye, sternly and say, "I said no. You can have it later, but not now."
And screaming is just not allowed! We don't scream to communicate our feelings! It's O.K. for a child to scream if they just shut the door on their hand. It's O.K. if they just cut themselves or hurt themselves severely. But they may NOT scream just because they didn't get their way, or because they're upset with not being able to do something they wanted to do.
If they scream, then their bare leg gets slapped once, and I will tell them to stop. If they do not decide to stop, they will get another slap on their bare leg. My son was a FAST learner, and I don't ever remember having to go past a second slap on the leg.
Perhaps your child doesn't care if their leg is slapped twice. I don't have a suggestion for you there. My son was generally an angel child, and he listened very well.
Again -- I started when he was around 9 months, with just a slap on the hand, if he wouldn't listen to the first "No, don't do that.". He learned VERY quickly, early on, that he needed to listen to me.
And he wasn't a "terrible two-year-old" either. He was VERY FUNNY! I loved that age! And I think that he was so good because he knew how to behave. I'm not saying that he never screamed, or never threw a fit, but if he did, I would slap his leg, and then he would stop. I'm also not saying here that he would quit "pouting" or "sulking" or being upset. He would sometimes be mad and stay unhappy for a while, but he didn't scream or try to keep doing what he was doing. He knew that THAT wasn't allowed.
Is screaming GOOD for your child???? Should I have let him scream and "get it all out"???
NO. Perhaps giving a child a punching bag is a good idea. Then, you can tell them, "Go punch on the punching bag until you feel calmer." I don't know.
I would talk to my son a lot. I would let him talk to me and tell me why he thought he should be able to do something. He would even often tell me why he should do something, and often, it made enough sense, that I said, "O.K. I understand. Go ahead."
Sometimes, if I wouldn't let him do something, he would talk to me and tell me he really, really wanted to do it, and I would often say, "I know -- I know -- but we can't do that right now."
I would tell him that I understood his concerns, and I understood why he wanted to do something. I would use "customer service" techniques, and let him know that I understood the problem, and I understood why he needed or wanted something! : )
Sometimes, I would tell my son how I'M feeling!!!! That would get his attention, too! I would say, "Honey -- I am VERY frustrated with you right now, and I would REALLY appreciate it if you would help me out by listening to me and doing what I just asked you to do. O.K?"
Sometimes telling children how you are feeling works, too. They can understand that sort of thing, since they're all ABOUT feelings!
Talk with LOVE to your child! Smile at them! Let them know that although they can't do something right now, that they can do something else instead.
If your child knows that you really care about their feelings, and really care about them, then they will act differently.
Acknowledge them EVERY time they call your name. You don't have to help them immediately, but at LEAST let them know that you hear them!!!! If you called their name, wouldn't you want them to let you know they heard YOU???
I see SO many adults who ignore their child's constant, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom......" and they NEVER answer the child!!! Now -- If you DO answer them, and they STILL continue to call your name, then you should talk to them later, at home, kneeling down on their level and say, "Honey -- when I am talking to someone, and you need something, and if I say to you 'Just a minute.' or 'I'll be right there.', then I mean that I WILL be with you and help you in a minute, so you need to just wait. O.K.? Do you understand?" Hopefully they will! And that way, the next time the same scenario happens, and they call your name, and you look at them in the eye and smile and quickly answer, "Just a minute.", they'll remember what you said, and they'll wait. Also, tell them that they can call your name a second time, if it looks like you've forgotten about them! But they should know to only say your name ONCE more.
One of the keys to happy parenting is to SMILE at your kids as you talk to them!!!!
So talk to them in a positive manner, and PRAISE them when they do something good! They're going to have to be corrected OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, on a daily basis, so they're going to NEED to hear positive things about things they've done RIGHT! : )
Think of how you would like to be talked to. They have feelings, too. And that's why the disciplining part is so tricky. You want to remember that they have feelings, but THEIR feelings should not always be considered!!! Their feelings are important, but sometimes, it shouldn't factor into the equation!
Again -- let me emphasize here, that I am NOT an advocate of beating.
I believe that a slap on the hand or bare leg should be enough to get a young child's attention.
Remember -- I said that I began teaching my son at a very young age what he shouldn't do.
If your 1 year-old child doesn't respond to the slap on the leg, then apparently, you'll need to do something else to get his or her attention. But I don't really have any other ideas for you, since I can only tell you what worked for me.
Well -- I guess I'm almost all out of things to say on the subject for now. I'm sure I'll add some things to this another time.
Happy Parenting!
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