So many thoughts right now -- obviously, as normal....
This is NOT the time to review all of my short-comings. Nope. This is not the time for that. We can review those at another time.
Right now, we are focusing on feeling better, positive feelings.
This is the beginning of this morning's "episode". It can also be right there near the END of it. Let's pretend that we are near the end of these feelings.
If it starts, it will end. So why not enjoy the ending right now? : )
I'm breathing and I'm drinking water.
I have a very comfy, warm blanket wrapped around me, since I was feeling cold.
All month long, so far, I have been doing good.... no episodes. : )
Why now? Well....... I think I might know why.
Yesterday, two things happened. One was a home maintenance issue -- something that needs fixing. Soon.
The GOOD thing that happened was I was able to make my own homemade pasta!
Breathe. Smile. : )
The thing about that, is that I think that my excitement is too much excitement.
Yep. So what I want to work on, is not getting so excited that it's too much for me.
I think that too many of certain chemicals get released into my bloodstream.
So -- I will work on being happy about my accomplishments, telling my husband how happy I am about it, telling my friends, writing in my journal about how cool it is, and then leave it at that.
I don't know what else to do to calm down about it..... It seems weird to be "less happy" about things than I currently get. Perhaps I need to just be pleased with how things turn out, then calmly share my accomplishment with others. I can record in my journal that it worked out well.
Is part of my "excitement" because I doubted that it would work? Is doubt part of it? Perhaps part of the issue is that I get very disappointed when things don't work out, so I want to stay way over on the other side of the spectrum in order to avoid any of the negative feelings associated with disappointment.
I'd like to just remain calm, whether something is good or bad.
Well -- whatever the reasons are......... we won't go any further into examining them right now, because again, this is really not the time for me to examine my short-comings. There will be plenty of time for self-improvement at another time.
Right now, it's best to focus on good things. Happy thoughts. Positive things. Good things you have done.
I gave a chicken pot pie away a couple of weeks ago to a friend. : ) Be calm. Yes, that was exciting too...... I loved how the chicken pot pie turned out. It was delicious. I was happy to share my yummy pot pie with a friend and her family.
Thinking about that gets my mind excited........... And I don't need that right now.
So even though there are more thoughts that I have about that story, I'll just leave it at that.
Another nice thing I did recently was I went downtown for a chiropractic appointment, and I gave $10 to a homeless man. There are a few more details about that too, but I'm going to leave it at that for now too.
Note to self: Future things to work on -- when I write in my journal, I will write MORE information about things that happen (good and bad -- just like I used to when I was a teenager, and was SO excited about BOYS!!!!). Lately, I've been just giving the highlights. If I write about everything in detail, I'll be able to get all of my thoughts out of my head. : )
One thought I had this morning, as I'm awake here at 6 a.m. (I got up at 4 a.m.), is that the Holy Ghost speaks with a still small voice. When Jesus or Heavenly Father speak to their prophets, it's with a soft voice that is like rushing waters.
So if I aspire to be like them, then during these times, it will be helpful and good that I talk to myself, or to my husband, in a kind, soft voice -- not a worried, frantic voice. Be nice and kind to yourself, as you would be to someone else.
Yes -- the home maintenance issue is there. It will get taken care of. Just not right now. Perhaps tomorrow.
One thing I was thinking about was that one good reason to drink water (at this time, when my mouth is dry and I feel thirsty), is that water dilutes chemicals. : ) So whatever excess chemicals are in your body, can be diluted, and not as strong when you flood your body with lots of water. : ) Yay!
Breathe. Your body and mind need air too. Lots of air. So breathe deeply. It's all going to be OK. Breathing always helps. I believe that I tend to hold my breath during these times, so remembering to breathe is important and helpful.
Focus on the breath -- the air going into your nose -- your lungs filling up and deflating.... etc....
Some other stressors include: We'll be having a foreign exchange student coming to live with us in a little over a week. : ) It's going to be fine. Before we were asked if we would host a foreign exchange student, I got the inspiration to accept and/or do things that I don't want to do, or that I don't think I can do. : )
My husband just started taking some college classes. He also had to work a lot this month.
I haven't always been ready for bed by 9 or 10 p.m., so we've been up late, so he has been more tired these past few weeks. : ( I'm so sorry for that. This morning, he has gotten up now (It's 6:45 a.m. now.), and I told him I was sorry for keeping us up last night making the pasta, and he said that perhaps if I want to try making a new type of food one day, that if I did it on a Friday, then if it took a long time, it wouldn't matter, because we wouldn't have to get up early the next day. : ) I thanked him for that idea. That's a good idea.
When I have these feelings, I want to accept them. I want to feel happy, so if smile and think positive things, then I will be happier than I would be if I thought about how much fun it isn't. : )
Books that I have read suggest to just experience the feelings. It is what it is. Let the experience happen. Let the feelings pass through your body and then go. Be aware that they're here. Accept that they're here. Know that they will go. This will end.
I have 5 pens on my desk here. Let's see -- that was a good distraction! : ) What else can I talk about? Something else other than what is actually going on inside of my mind.....
As I've mentioned in a previous post -- One thing that has also been suggested to help "panic attacks" is to describe something "ad nauseam". (Blogger is telling me that nauseam isn't spelled that way, but it is.)
OK. I need to get up now and concentrate on something else.
My husband stayed to talk to me before he headed off to work. I told him that I want to be able to remain calm, no matter what happens. I told him my thoughts about being too excited or too disappointed, and doubting that something will work out. He said to always believe that things will probably turn out well. : ) Then, if it doesn't, just know that it's O.K. It's a learning experience. He said that if I look back in my life, I'll see that things have mostly worked out for me in my life.
Then I thought to myself -- I have a book titled, "The Optimistic Child", which I would like to read all the way through. I have read some of it.
I want to be more optimistic. Less negative. I have made some progress. I am working at it. I used to complain more. Then I realized that it wasn't helping me to be more happy, so I try not to complain about every little thing that I don't like.
After my husband and I finished talking, I thought -- "O.K. -- let's do this! I am an Eternal Optimist! -- ever the optimist. I will try things with the attitude that it'll most likely work!" Attitude IS actually everything. : )
One thought that I had is..... the way I am working on dealing with this issue this morning, is how I should respond to every day life in general. : ) It helps to remain calm when I have these episodes, so I believe that remaining can help me avoid getting to this point again. I don't want to live life without emotion. I just think I just need to pull back the reins a little bit and know when enough is enough.
One other thought I had a few days ago was that the mountain that I "see", is really a little mole hill. Perception is everything too. If I think it's a mountain, than it becomes a mountain due to my reaction to what I think I "see". Know what I mean Vern? : )
That's all for now.
Have a good day!
I know things will get better for me as time passes by today.
I hope things go well for you today too.
[It's now 8 a.m.. I've reviewed and edited all that I've written (sorry for the mistakes I didn't catch), and I am already feeling better. My husband said he was praying for me, and I've been praying too.] : )
Remember to Pray, breathe, drink water and smile.
