Panic Attack, Star-date 11-6-12 : )

I went to bed last night at around 11:30 p.m.

I got up at 2:22 a.m., thirsty and needing to take a "nature break".

I went back to bed at around 2:45 a.m..

Then, the fun began -- The panic attack.

First of all -- Because of the pain in my back and side, it's always a joy each night to try to lie back down and get my arm in the right place again for me to be able to fall asleep.  So I started that whole process.

Then came all of the wonderful feelings that I get when I have a panic attack.

My stomach felt sick.  I was cold and almost began to shiver.  I was extremely thirsty.

(As I type this, I'm thinking, "I don't even really like typing about this stuff!  It gets me thinking about it all over again!"  But I want to have a record of my experiences, so.....)

The next little bit of "acrobatics" that occurred was this:

I thought about my options:  "My husband has always told me that I can do whatever I need to during my panic attacks.  I can wake him up if I need to.  No.  I don't want to wake him up."  "I can go out to the living room (which is right outside our door, just past the eating area), and I can turn on Pandora and listen to music if I want to (even though I do not have head phones).  No."  "I could get up and just start doing my 'talking' therapy where I just enthusiastically describe something 'ad nauseam'.  No.  I'm TIRED.  Getting up will only make things worse."  I decided to just stay in bed, pray, and ride it out, which has sometimes worked in the past.

I was very thirsty, but I did NOT want to get up, but I believe that part of the panic attack involves dehydration, so it's helpful to drink plenty of water.  So I slowly sat up, stood up, drank some of the water I had there by the bed in a cup, and then I slowly laid back down and then before I started shivering, I put the covers on me again.

Then I got really thirsty AGAIN.  After weighing the consequences of drinking or not drinking more water, I slowly got up again, drank some more water, and then slowly got back into bed again.

Adding to this adventure, of course, is the pain in my back and side.  So it's like I'm juggling several different balls:

My mind is racing and causing panicky feelings.  I am breathing deeply, and in quick succession, as one negative, un-true thought begins to form, I send it out of my brain by replacing it with a positive, truthful statement.  As this activity persists, I begin to pray fervently for relief.  But in order to not let feelings of desperation take over, I think about the sayings that I have on my white board, "Let come what may and love it.  Keep a sense of humor.  Smile!  I can handle this.  It is what it is, etc..."

I feel like I would love to throw up to relieve the negative pressure that is building inside of me.  I have feelings of hopelessness.

I remind myself, "It's O.K.  You can get through this.  This has happened many times before, and you have survived, and you will survive.  Just lie here, and you will get through this.  Wait until later today.  You'll be fine.  This just takes a few hours.  In a few hours, you will be free from these feelings.  Let it just happen."

After a while, as I'm lying on my right side, I realize that the horrible panicky feelings have left me.  Yay!  I profusely thank Heavenly Father for helping me!

Now I just need to go to sleep.


I'm thirsty again, but finally, the pain in my back and side is subsiding, and I think I'm in a good position to be able to sleep.  So there is NO way I'm going to get up to get something to drink.

Finally -- the episode is over, and I can relax and fall asleep....

I'm very thankful it's over, and that I made it through without having to get out of bed.

They say that "8 seconds" is the goal time for Bull riders to hold on.

I normally just need to hold on for 3 hours.  I'm glad it was only about an hour last night.   : )

I was able to sleep until 7 a.m.!  It's now 9 a.m., and I'm up for the day.  Now, my morning consists of "putting all of the toys back in the box" -- I let my mind heal from all of the excitement of the early morning brain activities.

Typically, by around 11 a.m., I'm stable again, and by around 3 p.m., I'm feeling back to normal.

I'm starting to get hungry for breakfast, so I think I'll go eat something now.   : )

I made it through another night.   : )
 

This is ME! : )

It's about that time again...

Here we go again......

It's that time of the month when my hormones are about to go out of whack.

It's not here yet, but I can feel it coming.

A couple of days ago, I started feeling as if I were nearing the "panic" cycle again, so today I checked my calendar to see when my last "panic attack" was, and it was October 3rd.

Today is November 2nd.

Yesterday and today I have been feeling a bit panicky at times.

So I've been breathing in deeply, trying to slow down, think positive thoughts, and not believe my worried mind.

My daily tasks already include reading the scriptures, reading some of the Ensign magazine, walking, drinking water and praying.

It also helps if I read the various books I have that discuss remedies and prevention methods for the types of emotions I get.

It helps if I try to keep a sense of humor.   : )

I must remind myself that I'm going to be OK.  I can handle this.

Tonight, I wasn't experiencing a panic attack, but in an effort to pump some natural Serotonin into my bloodstream, I "energetically" talked to my husband about loading the dishwasher, while I loaded the dishwasher.

It was a little helpful, but it didn't do the same thing for me as the last time I explained something to him.

I just realized that last time, I was dealing with FACTS, and how things ARE -- not how I think they should be.  Know what I mean?

Anyway -- I just wanted to mention that I'm aware that tomorrow is a month since the last attack.  I've been feeling some of the "pre-attack" feelings, so I know that I might be in for a bumpy ride over the next few days.  I'm trying to be aware of how I'm feeling.  I'm trying to just.... oh, I don't know -- be happy -- avoid a panic attack -- smile -- remain calm -- etc......   : )

Best wishes to me (and to you)!!!  : )

Have a good day!   : )